name. Jack Smidmore
occupation. Luthier & Inlay artist
and your specialist subject. The inlay work of Jack Smidmore circa 2000-2015
Well, my website has been 'live' for a year now so I thought I'd give it a bit of a spring clean, streamline, spruce up. I have put all of the inlay categories together in one place now and the ABOUT page has been updated to please mine eyes...
Yes Gertie, I too share your concerns for dearest Papa, his behaviour has been awfully queer of late. Just last week after dinner, upon retiring to the study with viscounts Fred Westly and Bobby Byrd, I listened to many strange noises emanating from behind the closed door. Papa was working himself up into a blue funk, screaming out all kinds of unholy, primal yells and screams, punctuated with cries of "Ow!" and "Hit me".
That's not all Bertie, what with Papa's cold sweat and near constant and inconsistent ordering that we should "Get up" before telling us to immediately "get down", and he seems so preoccupied with ravishing poor mother like some kind of fornication machine these last few weeks that he even forgot young Saul's birthday. Not good as you know how much young Saul loves his godfather. But my greatest worry dear Bertie is that Papa may have even become suicidal, as he repeatedly requests to be 'taken to the bridge'...I fear he wishes to jump...
Well Gertie, you do know just how upset Papa has been about the state of his worn-out old bag, we can only hope that his mood lifts after his birthday banquet next weekend when we give him his brand new one...
I don't know. Christianity's the weird one though, you know, Christianity's such an odd religion, you know. The whole image is that, you know, eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love...That's the message, isn't it, that we're brought up with. Believe or die! 'Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.'
Fundamentalist Christians believe the world is 12,000 years old...let's just think about that. Isn't that great? And I ask 'em, 'How do you think that? Why do you think that the world is 12,000 years old?' They go:
'Well, we added up all the people born from Adam and Eve, added up their ages: roughly 12,000 years'
'Well, how scientific. I can't fuckin' argue with that kind of, you know, research. You think the world's 12,000 years old?'
'That's right.'
'K. Can I ask you a question?'
'Sure.'
'It's a one-word question.'
'Fine.'
'Dinosaurs.'
I mean, if the world's 12,000 years old and the Bible covers it, why didn't someone bring up fuckin' dinosaurs? You'd think someone woulda brought that up...somewhere in the goddamn book. I asked this guy, said, 'Come on, man - dinosaur fossils, What's the deal?' He goes:
'God put those here to test our faith.'
'I think God put you here to test my faith, dude. I think I've figured this out.'
Does that bother anyone here? The idea that God might be fuckin' with our heads? God's runnin' around, burying fossils: 'Ho, ho ho!...We'll see who believes in me now. Ho, ho ho! I'm a prankster God. I am killing me. You know. You die, you go to St Peter;
'Did you believe in dinosaurs?'
'Well yeah, there was fossils everywhere. (crash) Aaargh!'
'What are you, an idiot? God was fucking with you! Giant flying lizard, you moron! That's one of God's easiest jokes.'
'It seemed so plausible! Aaaargh!'
Bound for the Lake of Fire...You ever notice how people who believe in Creationism look really unenvolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. 'I believe God created me in a day.' Yeah, looks like he rushed it.
Now we have woman priests. What do y'all think of that? Woman priests? Yeah. I think it's fine, woman priests, you know. So what? Now we got priests of both sexes I don't listen to, Fuck. I don't care. Have one with three balls and eight titties, I don't fuckin' care, you know. Have a hermaphrodite one, I don't, I don't care. Have one with gills and a trunk - I might go to that service.
awuzza wuzza wuzza...we are the goon squad and we're coming to town, beep beep...
An inlayed representation of a tiger casually strolling toward the viewer of an inlayed representation of a tiger, viewing an inlayed representation of a tiger that's casually strolling towards the viewer of an inlayed representation of a tiger...
Jane, since I've met you, I've noticed things that I never knew were there before...birds singing, dew glistening on a newly formed leaf, stoplights.
Oh, It's all right, I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely, just like the responsible adults that we are, isn't that right, Mr...Poopy Pants?
That's the red-light district. I wonder why Savage is hanging around down there?
Sex, Frank?
Uh, no, not right now, Ed.
---
And it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire, the ring of fire.
And it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire, the ring of fire.
I come in, about half-past eleven at night, we'd been having a couple of drinks I remember - and I come in, I get into bed, you see, feeling quite sleepy, I could feel the lids of me eyes beginning to droop - a bit of the droop in the eyes - I was just about to drop off, when suddenly, 'tap, tap, tap' at the bloody window pane - I looked out - you know who it was?
Who?
Bloody Greta Garbo! Bloody Greta Garbo - stark naked save for a shortie nighty. She was hanging on the window sill, and I could see her knuckles all white...saying 'Peter, Peter...'
Young Gigi didn't ask to be a part of renowned primatologist Dian Fossey's pioneering 70's research program and has since found it difficult settling back into normal gorilla life.
By generously donating just £5 a month you could help us provide a DVD player, TV and a copy of 'Gorillas in the mist' for these majestic but desperately bored creatures...
