Jack Smidmore

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A woman walks past a pet shop and sees a magnificent parrot in the window.

She rushes inside and asks, ‘How much for the parrot?’ ‘£5,’ says the shopkeeper.

‘Only £5? I’ve got to have it,’ says the woman. ‘Why’s it so cheap?’

‘Well, I must confess, it was brought up in a brothel.’ said the shopkeeper. ‘And, to put it politely, it has quite an extensive vocabulary.’

‘Never mind,’ says the woman. ‘At that price, I’ll take it.’

So she takes the parrot home, puts its cage in the living room and takes the cover off.

‘New place - very nice,’ says the parrot.

Then the woman’s two daughters walk in.

‘New place, new girls - very nice,’ says the parrot.

Then the woman’s husband walks in, and the parrot says, ‘Oh hello, Keith!’

(Barry Cryer)