I think God put you here to test my faith, dude...

I don't know. Christianity's the weird one though, you know, Christianity's such an odd religion, you know. The whole image is that, you know, eternal suffering awaits anyone who questions God's infinite love...That's the message, isn't it, that we're brought up with. Believe or die! 'Thank you, forgiving Lord, for all those options.'

Fundamentalist Christians believe the world is 12,000 years old...let's just think about that. Isn't that great? And I ask 'em, 'How do you think that? Why do you think that the world is 12,000 years old?' They go:

'Well, we added up all the people born from Adam and Eve, added up their ages: roughly 12,000 years'

'Well, how scientific. I can't fuckin' argue with that kind of, you know, research. You think the world's 12,000 years old?'

'That's right.'

'K. Can I ask you a question?'


'It's a one-word question.'



I mean, if the world's 12,000 years old and the Bible covers it, why didn't someone bring up fuckin' dinosaurs? You'd think someone woulda brought that up...somewhere in the goddamn book. I asked this guy, said, 'Come on, man - dinosaur fossils, What's the deal?' He goes:

'God put those here to test our faith.'

'I think God put you here to test my faith, dude. I think I've figured this out.'

Does that bother anyone here? The idea that God might be fuckin' with our heads? God's runnin' around, burying fossils: 'Ho, ho ho!...We'll see who believes in me now. Ho, ho ho! I'm a prankster God. I am killing me. You know. You die, you go to St Peter;

'Did you believe in dinosaurs?'

'Well yeah, there was fossils everywhere. (crash) Aaargh!'

'What are you, an idiot? God was fucking with you! Giant flying lizard, you moron! That's one of God's easiest jokes.'

'It seemed so plausible! Aaaargh!'

Bound for the Lake of Fire...You ever notice how people who believe in Creationism look really unenvolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. 'I believe God created me in a day.' Yeah, looks like he rushed it.

Now we have woman priests. What do y'all think of that? Woman priests? Yeah. I think it's fine, woman priests, you know. So what? Now we got priests of both sexes I don't listen to, Fuck. I don't care. Have one with three balls and eight titties, I don't fuckin' care, you know. Have a hermaphrodite one, I don't, I don't care. Have one with gills and a trunk - I might go to that service.

Bill Hicks blog post